Out with the old, in with the new, A journey to finding God

The term "out with the old, in with the new" has always struck a cord with me. Everywhere, we see people trying to change their lives in hopes of having a success story of their growth. My thoughts on this is that life is a constant journey and there is no destination. It is just a constant hike of continuing to go up and down. Journey's that are conquered only create new ones to be ridden, which will cause even more growth. I wanted share with you a particular journey that has set the map for an upcoming one as I approach the adult world. Lets go back in time about three years.

I want y'all to take a good look at this picture. That is me to the left with the red backwards hat on, next to my best friend Mattie. What you see is a slender girl who may seem "fit" to some people. I never had many eyes on me at this point because the fact I was a D1 level track runner that was "supposed to look like this" I can't tell you how many times I got praised for my performance that year based on the fact that I lost weight and looked "amazing." On the outside it may of seemed like I had it all, aside from the fact I was pretty thin. I was an all-american performer, school record holder, and on the brink of possibly qualifying for the olympic trials. People admired my hard work, but in reality that work turned into something dark inside me that I could not shake. I began to obsess upon this idea of clean eating, taking out every added sugar you can possibly imagine. Salads were my go to and I found new exersizes to get "six pack abs". I remember one time having a massive panic attack because I ate a slice of non-wheat bread along with yogurt with added flavor. It became less about my performance and more about my visual apperance. I would weigh myself every day, and stand in the mirror for at least an hour examining the little fat I had on my body that could be shed off. I can tell y'all honestly that all the PRs, records, and compliments were not worth it compared to the heartache, depression, and anxiety that occurred during the process.

After a few years of the constant battle of starving myself and binging and purging, I had enough. There was something in my life that needed to change so I could become the person I want to be. I checked myself into a treatment center in St. Louis that specialized with athletes and eating disorders. A painful 4 month process not only started me on my journey to recovery, but brought me closer to God, my friends, and family. I learned to love my body as it is, and viewing running as a passion to glorify God.

Me and Mattie during my time at the treatment center.

I would be lying if I were to say that finding the lord and going through this process has magically made things better. God doesn't get rid of all of your problems but he does give you that comfort in knowing he is always there to love you and lead you during these trials and tribulations. Although the struggle is always there, I have given all of those doubts to him, which has led me to my next journey. In the fall I will have the opportunity to serve the lord even more/grow by interning with Athletes in Action, which is apart of CRU ministries. A message to all, don't put your worth into the surface level things society views as important. That can cause major control problems. I gave up that control and gave it to god and am enjoying every second of this wild journey he has chosen me to embark on.