A Letter to My Younger Self
Sammy,
You are about to embark on a journey where many mountains will move your way and it might seem like a impossible climb, but I just want to tell you I am here now living and breathing, telling you its going to be okay. College is going to be a trying time for you. Not only will you be tested as a person, but your spirit will be broken down to the point that you feel like you are trapped. There are several people who you will compare yourself to and wish that you could be as pretty, skinny, funny, or athletic as them. It will be a constant battle in your head thinking you are not enough because of society's standards. The unfortunate thing is, part of these standards will be projected on you, from those who consider you not to be up to par on any of them. It will affected the way you live life for years.
For 4 years, your worth will be based solely on the materialistic things brought your way. It could be anywhere from your looks, to your performance in running. This will cause you to dig yourself into a darkness that you can't seem to get out of. Many nights will be spent crying, wishing all of the pain of not feeling worthy would go away. You are going to be known as the girl who always smiles, but the way you present yourself to others will get exhausting. The show that you are putting on continues to leave this empty void that keeps getting bigger with every day. Part of this void stems from your lost sense of self. Who am I kidding, the things you will do will be the opposite of what you stand for. The countless nights of drinking till you can't function, the toxic relationships, starving yourself, and hurting your body will become a part of a routine to try and prevent you from feeling the pain. Some may call this rock bottom, and they are correct. How much lower can one go, to totally lose their identity? You were pretty close my friend. Just know that this is all going to pass and you will be in my position now writing you this letter.
Why Do I reflect on this? Well its important, to become aware of the truths that teens to young adults face. Their identity becomes warped into something that is so surface level, its impossible to look within. Now that I have found myself through Christ, I just want everyone to know that it is possible to get out of that dark place. You might seem like you are happy because people are reacting positively to the way you are presenting yourself, but the fact of the matter is, you will continue to feel lower and lower the more this goes on. Think of it like being addicted to a harmful substance. While you are doing it, you might feel a certain high that you want to continue to experience, but afterwards, you will have severe withdrawal symptoms that have you crave for more. While it may be a temporary fix to take part of this, your health will continue to decline and leave life long effects. I experienced this all through college, giving into the pressures of society, changing the way I presented myself.
This letter serves as a statement showing that none of this can be taken away. All of this happened to me and I can't go back and change the way I lived my life through college. What I can do, is make a statement to those of you who are about to go towards this road. You have to remember how loved you are, God is the one that said you are beautifully and wonderfully made. He created you that way for a reason, how boring would the world be if everyone were the same? I know I would get tired of the repetition that was going on. Just look within yourself and see what nourishes the soul instead of the flesh, and that will save you from so much heartache down the road. Those of you that are already at that point, take a deep breath and have faith in yourself. I am sitting here today reflecting back on those trials, and I am so thankful I can see myself as my own person. You will get out of it and be so much better off for it.
Much love,
Samzo <3